The Guiding Light of Your Smile

The day was a special day for me. I was taking up my Masteral studies that time and it was my final term prior to graduation. New class, new faces, and new teacher, what else is there to expect. Add to this the fact that it was my birthday; everything seemed so magical at this point. One by one, I gazed at my classmates, greeting old acquaintances and meeting new ones. We were to celebrate my birthday after a few drinks after class, an occasion that spread like wildfire over the campus, being friends with practically everyone.

I was seated at the far left, my usual place in a room full of strangers. It was my practice to find a place where I can stand back and let them take the limelight, for I never like to be in one. Like a ray of light, I saw a pretty face take a seat in front of me. Quiet, humble and mild mannered, I just smiled back to complement her unique gesture. Getting back to my senses, we greeted the professor as she walked in. I focused on the class to get a feel of the subject matter, a final requirement prior to getting my degree. Come dismissal time, thanks to my friends, they sang a birthday song to greet me on my special day. Dee, the girl who never did anything but smile to tame me, greeted me “Happy Birthday”. Her greeting, a meek voice that could melt a roaring lion made me blush a bit. I acknowledged and said thank you to her and told her how privileged I am to be in a class with someone as pretty as her. She smiled back, with dimples and all flashing, making me all the weaker by the minute. All I could do was sigh. What I wouldn’t do to get to know Dee a lot better.

Unexpectedly, it just so happened that some of the people joining us on the event knew Dee and invited her to come along. Anyone can just imagine what a guy would do to get to know this girl better, and at a rare occasion in my life at that! I never got to talk to Dee that much, talking with my friends about other matters as presentations and activities for the year. Dee left early, and I could just say goodbye flash back a smile towards her direction. I slowly inquired with my friends about this new girl. The response came with a lot of sarcastic faces, teasing erupted and all I could do was blush again. What a night!

The information I got was staggering. It just so happened that this girl is my neighbor as well! Call it fate, call it whatever, will things cease to amaze me! Such a small world and I never knew that a pretty face resided at the back of my place! The term ran rapidly, getting to a point that I eventually graduated. But I got Dee’s number and regularly checked on her, exchanging pleasantries, about old stuff, and helping her out on some school projects since she had a year left before graduating as well. Each moment spent was cherished and we became close, too close that I sometimes wondered, “Should I pop the question?”

I decided to hold back, ask her out and bring her gifts on special occasions. She would do the same, cook for me some special delicacies, and give me chocolates and all. Close as we became, she would scold me when I would pass on my meals, check on me every once in a while to see if I was ok. This was a girl I would love to take care of. But would she allow it?

I have this knack of helping out others without asking for anything in return. I wouldn’t mind extending a helping hand to my friends, for I was never known to turn anyone down. This irritated her and Dee told me that I should learn to leave some for myself. Apparently she knew, some people were taking advantage of my generosity and didn’t like it one bit. Hard as it may, I tried to do what she asked.

Today, I still wonder, what would happen if I talk to here sincerely about my feelings? I am the type of guy who falls easily. Instead of sulking on love, I would invest my time, keeping myself busy with my professional side, participate in basketball and bowling tournaments, and lead my village to sports campaigns, all for the sake of keeping my mind on something other than her. It would really drive me crazy if I didn’t, because when I fall, I really fall hard.

It is Valentine’s Day today and I wanted to give her something as usual. Prior to this, she said that she is already happy being my close friend. Puzzling as it may seem, I have no recourse but to step back, take these words into consideration. Maybe I am only infatuated by Dee. Maybe friendship alone is sufficient for her. So what is a guy to do? Hold back his feelings and just keep it in the vault of memories rather than face rejection up close?

I dream of one day telling Dee how much I like her, how much I would want to care for her and be her knight in shining armor. But as people would say, some things are better left unsaid than done. Love is also about making people happy. If the condition of our love is any indication, happy and enjoying each other’s company is concerned, I think this is enough to show for now, that I do care for her very much and given the chance, let her be happy with what we have for now. Maybe it’s better than getting into a relationship. I guess I will never know. But just a flash of her smile in my direction, changes my day, and lifts me up to cloud nine.