Infidelity and Marriage

An adulterous person is punished and ostracised by Judaism too. Hinduism does not have a very strong stance against it, but does not encourage it either. While English law cannot convict a spouse for infidelity, extramarital affairs remain the greatest ground for divorce in the UK till date.

Divorce and Infidelity

Three is definitely a crowd when it comes to the marriage bed. The love triangle in literature and films has usually ended in tragedy. The novels that do contain divorce; be it ‘The Rain Maker’ with its brutally abusive husband or ‘Anna Karenina’ with the free spirited but socially oppressed woman, have found clever means of ‘justifying’ matters. The marriage can be abandoned only if it contains villainous elements such as wife beaters, frivolous wives, social stigma or some other obstacle. This helps to justify the ‘other’ man or woman as someone who is a rescuer in some sense. If it is a good marriage, and a good lover, then the end is tragic, and people still dab their eyes after seeing ‘Casablanca’. In the UK, divorce seems to be the accepted way out after an extramarital affair has been discovered, but there are other ways too, and this is what we are about to discuss in detail.

How Affairs Begin

Extramarital affairs usually do not happen in real life as we see them in movies – a ravishing beauty or a handsome stranger doest not happen to cross our path every day with music playing in the background. Some of the typical starters are as follows.

• The most common formula in the UK revolves around the midlife crisis. The middle aged bored man, having reached the pinnacle of corporate success, finds his life empty and boring, and falls for a younger woman. Such affairs are not very long lasting, as the man merely needs a way out from the daily schedule, and the affair is only a gate pass.


• In the case of women, younger males are still not the first choice. Usually, the forty plus woman who has an affair is also bored with the daily grind, and has started to look upon family as an extra burden. There is nothing wrong in both cases, we are all human beings and cannot live like machines too long.


• Then there is the old flame syndrome – the college sweetheart discovered on a chat site, an old colleague joining the office again, moving to a city and discovering your former lover is a neighbour – the world is round after all.


• When children grow up and go away, the responsibilities of parenthood are over. Many affairs happen at this juncture.


• Workplace romances, meeting while travelling, meeting on the net, or the proverbial love at first sight – coincidences play cupid in these cases.


• Some marriages are dead by the time the affair happens, so it is almost a relief.


• Physical or emotional abuse, seeking freedom from an overbearing partner, children being maltreated, professional rivalries, ego battles – there are many reasons why one may start disliking the present partner.

When it is Discovered

A stormy break up is still unfortunately the most common outcome. Most partners leave the defaulter and go away to stay elsewhere, usually taking the children along. Some start stalking the partner or reacting violently. Some just give up. Trying out a trial separation or temporary period of living apart is becoming more popular as a remedy. However, some marriages grow stronger after overcoming the storm.

Restoring the Marriage

Restoring a marriage is not easy. Both parties have to put in enough effort and be honest to each other and themselves. If you do not want your spouse to stray again, you should not chain him or her at your side. Grant the freedom instead, and make some effort yourself. Going on a vacation has always been a good way to re bond. Take a weekend off minus the kids, it will help both of you to unwind and come closer. Love is not all that makes a marriage; you need to understand and respect each other, and find ways of adjusting around mutual oddities. It may sound clichéd or Victorian, but there is no harm in being more flexible. If your injured ego is the base of your grand resentment against the person you love most, maybe a self check would be a good idea too. Marriage is a commitment, and blind resentment is not a mature reaction, no matter what the circumstances are.

About the author:
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you want to find out more about a solicitor managed divorce see http://www.managed-divorce.co.uk


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