Patong Beach – subtle tease or blatant sleaze?

Avoid Patong Beach if you’re looking for a holiday with some true sense of Thailand and its unique culture, since there are few real opportunities to experience it here. Indeed, the desire to grab the tourist dollar has squeezed all but a few remnants of the real Thailand out of the area, giving it more of a western carnival ambience than one of an eastern village by the sea.

A stroll through the town centre has you assaulted with the solicitations of hawker upon hawker. This is fine if you are in need of a new suit, a massage or a tuk-tuk ride to another destination; however, if you just want to make a safe passage to your guesthouse, the endless barrage can become tiresome at the very least.

At the beach, look away from the sprawl of hotels and tourist developments and you can appreciate some pretty awesome coastal scenery. Come high season however, you may struggle to find a spot on which to do so as the holidaying masses lay down their straw mats on every available inch of golden sand. Wait until the early evening and things quiet down, and the magnificent fiery sunset will easily take your attention away from the area’s other less aesthetically pleasing sights.

The resort is something of a shopper’s paradise, depending on what you are in the market for. If cheap pirated CDs and DVDs, fake Gucci handbags and Polo shirts, beachwear and endless accessories are your bag, then you’ll be in heaven at the ubiquitous market stalls and roadside shopping outlets. If its unusual souvenirs, object d’art or Thai curios you are looking for, you can forget it. The mass-produced handicraft items here are as devoid of local character as those purveying them.

Once the sun has gone down, an entirely new atmosphere prevails as the areas around Bangla and Rat-U-Thit roads come alive with punters seeking what might be deemed by some as the seedier side of Patong’s evening entertainment. There’s no denying that the establishments in these areas have an underlying (or overwhelming) sexual theme and what might seem like the promise land for many is more akin to Sodom and Gomorrah to others.

If you don’t like these areas, then steer clear. Few venturing into the Bangla road scene are unaware of its raison d'être and for most, the naughty nature of the area is it greatest appeal. The opportunity to view and possibly taste young Thai flesh (female or otherwise) is one that is well exploited by large numbers of male holidaymakers.

For some, it’s simply a chance to sit down with a beer at any of the countless girly bars and enjoy feeling desired and attractive as the local beauties work there inimitable charms. Indulge in a little light conversation, play bar games or forge a meaningful relationship; what you do at these bars can be as innocent or risqué as you desire.

At the go-go bars, things hot-up a notch or two and there’s little doubt that voyeurism is the name of the game. The Thai ladies who work in these bars generally wear little other than g-strings and dance provocatively around shiny metal poles as male onlookers dribble their beer down the front of their shirts. Little is left to the imagination, but then those that frequent such places are in pursuit of base pleasures.

Gay punters generally head for the Paradise complex on Ratutit road where a large number of venues offer appropriate entertainment and services, again often with little attempt to hide the overt sexual agenda.

Couples looking for less emphasis on sins of the flesh will find venues where they can enjoy a drink and dance the night away in a comfortable atmosphere. The Banana and Shark clubs are two of the area’s most popular discos and while not offering the hippest musical content, they are fun-filled places with lively and welcoming atmospheres.

While Thai licensing laws are strict, Patong Beach largely manages to escape the negative attentions of local law enforcement officers and hence it’s possible to revel until sunset should you so desire. Many venues close only when the last punters are staggering out. Others that appear to have closed are often busy continuing business behind locked doors.

The slightly harassing nature of local business and service owners combined with what might be considered a morally questionable nightlife scene makes Patong Beach unsuitable for families enjoying package holidays. If you are young, broadminded and with a hedonistic head on your shoulders, this is one destination at which you can have a ball.