Is it Possible to Limit the Effects Divorce Has on Children?

Types of divorce

Although it is impossible to completely eliminate the pain surrounding a divorce, it can be considerably reduced with due effort from the parents. When the parents mutually agree to divorce, also known as an uncontested divorce, it helps to avoid courtroom battles and helps in saving the children from a lot of emotional disturbance.

On the other hand, when the decision to divorce is challenged in the court, also known as a contested divorce, it involves lengthy legal proceedings affecting the peace of mind of members of the entire family.

Uncontested Divorce and Children: Caught in a Storm

Thousands of studies have been carried out all over the world by government as well as non-government organisations, education institutions, etc. to study the effect of divorces on children. In most of these cases, the research has been carried out on children from families where the parents divorced after a bitter struggle in the courtrooms. Although there are a few conflicting results, for the most part, the scientific findings remained the same.

Apart from a few exceptions, most of these children seem to be affected by the divorce process. However, the level to which they were affected varied in each child. While some of them were able to overcome these problems with help of their parents, some were affected for a lifetime. Here is a consolidation of all these important and credible findings:

• Academics: Divorce seems to have badly affected the academic performance of most of these children. Following divorces, a lot of children had problems adjusting to the changes and were emotionally too disturbed to concentrate on their academics. As a result, children from divorced families performed worse than the ones living with both the parents. Also, due to reduced family income, there is twice the number of college and school dropouts compared to children from normal household.
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Emotional Responsibilities: The divorce proceeding makes the couple upset and lonely. Hence, sometimes, parents confide all their problems in their children. This has been found to add emotional stress to the children and deprive them of their childhood happiness and innocence.

• Criminal Activities: When they do not have the control of both the parents, children are found to get aggressive and involve in criminal activities such as petty thefts, drugs, etc. In a particular survey, most of the inmates in a prison were found to be affected by the divorce of their parents at their childhood. Also, the girls having early pregnancies are mostly from single-parent household.

• Continuation of Problem: In a considerable number of cases, the divorce seems to affect the next generation too. Research indicates that children growing up with divorced parents have a high probability of divorce when they get married. Some of them even resort to domestic violence having gone through their parents’ divorce in silence.

• Other Problems: Apart from all this, other common trends noticed in these surveys show these children become susceptible to child delinquency, dejection and having problem with peer acceptance. They also stand chances of mental problems due to emotional stress leading to depression.

Common Trends

Although the custody of the children is usually granted to the mother, boys growing up with father tend to fare better. Also, if mother is the custodial parent and remarries, boys tend to bond with their step-fathers in contrast to girls who have problems adjusting to this situation. However, when these children grow up, they are able to adjust to the condition with love and care from the parents.

So, in case you are considering divorce, make sure you have made every attempt to reconcile the differences. If it is not possible, divorce would be the only solution because, in a survey conducted among children, more than 75% of them prefer to live with divorced parents rather than having to live with both of them fighting every day at home. But make sure the divorce process is carried out amicably to avoid any negative influence on your children.