Self-love and Codependency

                                                                                         

To love yourself is important especially when you are in a codependent relationship. It is essential to your welfare and happiness. You need to learn to value yourself and your life. It is imperative that you honor the feelings you feel, but you should not base your self-worth on external sources. Your self-worth comes when you start looking within and being glad of who you are.

Self-love is important for codependents to work on. It is vital to have healthy self-esteem for yourself. When you have high regard for yourself you can prevail over whatever setbacks might arise. When you gain a feeling of self-worth for yourself, you can continue to give to others. But, when you do not feel good about yourself, you are not able to give to others which seems to be important to codependents since a codependent's meaning of self-worth depends on how they can help others.

Codependency causes you to walk out on yourself. What you really need to learn is how to liberate and take care of yourself. You need to create a strong sense of self. Codependents have learned to cope by disconnecting from their inner emotions. Self-care means valuing yourself and taking pride in who you are. Self-care means understanding how to listen to your needs and taking full accountability for getting those needs met. It means taking responsibility for generating surroundings that help grow your emotional and spiritual self.

Self-care is a necessary element in your recovery. First off, whatever negative circumstance surround you, Know it is not completely your fault. The other person has choices on how they act in a situation just as you do. You do not have power over how the other acts nor can you cure their problem. Loving the other does not mean being a doormat. But loving yourself does mean protecting yourself.

Sometimes when you are in a codependent relationship you start imagining what you think the other is thinking. Then your actions and behavior change supported by your beliefs surrounding your judgment on what you made up in your head. You must change your thinking. Stop making another's opinion of you matter most and start putting yourself first. Start by making sure your basic needs are met. Basic meaning you're getting enough sleep, your meals are sufficient and consistent and most importantly, that you have tranquility and peace of mind.

As you go through recovery, your self-esteem will increase and full acceptance of yourself should be met. Stop searching for something outside of yourself to validate you. Know that you are enough. You are capable of so much just as you are. Begin to move past the struggles of codependency. Learn to love yourself again. Protect yourself and your well-being. Begin to see and to understand that nothing outside of you can fulfill you. Spending time alone will help you gain self-love. You need to see yourself with the love and respect you deserve. Become aware of your feelings and needs and how to communicate them to others. Learn how to build a mature relationship rather than a dependent one. Once you can connect with yourself and maintain a fundamental center of self-worth, you will be better at caring for yourself.

As you slowly begin to identify your codependent patterns, you can start to experience less self-blame for your past. Once you learn detachment from the areas of another's life you can begin working on yourself. Codependents are very good at having the perception when viewing another's life, though they are not very perceptive at all when it comes to their own lives. You need to keep in check your attitudes and the beliefs behind those attitudes. You need to remember it is okay for you to have your own beliefs and your own attitude. They are yours. They are not wrong. Just as you have your own opinions, feelings and choices, others do too and that's okay.

Another thing to become acutely aware of is your self-talk. There is a tendency, that as a codependent, whether you are aware of it or not, to have very negative self-talk. When you learn how to properly take care of yourself, you will become aware of the peace and joy that have been missing in your life. You can learn to own your feelings so that you are able to communicate those feelings to others. The goal is not to ever help others, but to allow them to do the things they can do for themselves. Become accepting of others and allow life to be the adventure that it should be. It is then that both parties will grow.

Recognize that you may be carrying around emotional grief energy and learn to let it go. It is important to have an inner life that creates serenity for you. It could be meditation, praying, music, working in a garden or painting; anything that nurtures your soul. You will come to see that you are valuable and worthy of the best life has to offer. You'll need to find balance between your needs and the need you may feel to help others. Share your thoughts with others in your life. It may be about making compromises and a little give and take. You will find hope that you can learn healthier ways of relating to both yourself and others. You must learn to free yourself from your old patterns. In the end, you are responsible for your feelings and have the power to choose them. Sometimes the only way you can learn is by trial and error.

Developing self-love may be difficult. The most important lesson is that you will need a support system. Besides having your family and close friends lend support, a professional counselor may prove helpful. Therapy is a step towards self-love. On top of the different kinds of support groups, your relationship with God can be a tremendous asset to you. Be responsible for yourself and focus on your feelings and needs. That way, everybody wins, including you!

About the author:
Visit Lori at http://loriklauser.com. Receive her free ebook Traveling the Road of Codependency for signing up for her newsletter. She takes codependency one step at a time; delivering concepts that help you master healing.

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