A Comedy of Expenses

                                                                                         

Once upon a time, there was a new homeowner. Let us call her Jane.

Jane: I finally realized the dream! I own a house! I'm going to celebrate.

Mortgage: No, you're not.

Jane: Well, I meant in a small way.

Insurance: By 'small', I hope you mean "I'm going to walk to the store to buy a chocolate bar" 'small'.

Jane: Actually, I was hoping to get a new living room set.

Mortgage: WHAT?!

Insurance: How selfish!

Property Taxes: Where's your sense of civic duty?

Utilities: She never loved us anyway.

Washer: I think I sprang a leak.

Jane: Oh, no, you did not!

Washer: 'Fraid so. I hope you have the money for the new living room handy.

Jane: Well I was going to put it on my credit card.

Credit Card: Tell me you're not serious; I'm already at 75% of my limit. Your FICO score is writhing in agony!

Jane: Well, I need the washer, so no living room set.

Mortgage: Well, thank goodness for that.

Credit Card: Phew.

Jane: But I was thinking that I need a new car. I can get it on financing, so my credit card will be okay.

Old Car: Traitor.

Insurance: You're joking, right?

Jane: My old car is a heap. I got a new house; I want a new car to go with it!

Old Car: And the utilities think she doesn't love THEM.

Mortgage: Yeah, that's right; plunge into MORE debt after you've made the most expensive purchase of your life. Smart.

Jane: I can afford it.

Property Taxes: Ha ha! Foolish mortal! What if we increase? Where's your car payment going to come from then, hmmm?

Jane: I'd, um, handle it. How much worse can you get, anyway?

Property Taxes: Just watch us. Kids need to go to school, too, y'know.

Washer: Can you get someone in to repair me? This is getting kind of embarrassing.

Jane: In a minute; I'm still planning my celebration.

Refrigerator: With what? I'm empty.

Jane: I'll go out and buy some food. Now, let me see...

Mortgage: Not to be a downer, but what happens if you get sick or lose your job? More to the point, what happens to ME if you don't have any savings in the bank to cover a lean spell?

Jane: I'd... think of something.

Old Car: Like your new car payment?

Property Taxes: Like our increase?

Equity: I'm too young for this discussion.

Utilities: ...yep, just pretend we aren't here. Maybe if we got shut off, she'd remember we exist...

Refrigerator: As I understand it, if you humans can't buy food, you end up dying after, what? Three weeks? You might want to allow some money for basic foodstuffs...

Jane: FINE. NO new living room. NO new car. Budget for food AND utilities - don't think I haven't heard you whining in the background. SMALL celebration.

Washer: What about me?

Jane: You're getting fixed tomorrow.

Credit Card: Ouch.

Jane: You be quiet; I'm paying you off over my next few paychecks. Now, is there anything else?

Mortgage: No; as long as you aren't buying everything in sight and start saving some money for unforeseen circumstances, things will probably be okay.

Jane: Good. Now I am going OUT. To CELEBRATE.

Old Car: Gas prices just rose again.

Jane: ...fine, I'll walk to the store. Maybe they have a new kind of chocolate bar I can try.

About the author:
For local, personal attention to your Las Vegas real estate needs, visit eHome Realty, your professionals in the Las Vegas Valley. You'll find information about Summerlin real estate and more at eHomeLV.com.

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