Divorce your Partner, Not Your Children

If you are a recently divorced non-custodial parent, you might be finding no avenues for expressing your love to your children, for even daily communication with your children (which you had taken for granted in the past) might prove difficult. Whatever be the difficulties posed, never let communication levels drop. Keep in regular touch with your children, wherever they may be.

Did you know that by talking to your children, you are communicating much more than mere words? By speaking to them, you reveal that they are valuable to you. This boosts their self-esteem. Apart from that, you are also gifting them the mode of proper communication, for life. Keep regular track of their activities; otherwise physical distance might translate to emotional separation.

Let Not the Physical Distance Turn Emotional

Avoid the common mistake most parents make:

• That of equating divorcing the partner with divorcing the children



• Or making the mistake of communicating through the children and not with them

After divorce, you would have realised that it does not terminate contact with your ex-spouse (communication with ex-partner continues lifelong). You may dislike all forms of conversation, for the unresolved anger and hurt prove preventive, and you might feel sending messages through children more convenient. Never do this.

90% of communication is non-verbal. Children can easily decipher the depth of the negative emotions you harbour and get trapped in a situation of divided loyalties. This prevents them from expressing their love for either parent. The atmosphere turns hostile and unhealthy. Love can hardly blossom in such a situation.

Prevent development of emotional barriers by forming a civilly polite relationship with your ex-marital mate. With the development of cordial relationships, children will find it easier to communicate and spend time with you. Utilise the time they spend with you to strengthen emotional links, otherwise your family might just drift away from you.

Prevent the Drifting Away of Children in the Flow of Time

Show how much you love your children when they visit you. Spend all your time with them, and prioritise their activities over yours.

Celebrate each visit of your children. Go out on treats and regale them with stories of their childhood. They will simply love it. I feel that meal times and bedtimes are the two routines that firmly bond a parent with the child. Even after many years, they vividly remember these as special times.

At bedtime, discuss the funny or good occurrences of the day. Once you open up the communication channels with your children, they will feel free to express their emotions. They might even speak to you of their unresolved fears or the seemingly trivial matters that are significant to them. Give them practical tips on handling real life situations. They will cherish such practical advice.

However, maintaining contact with the children after the divorce may not be easy always. Plenty of practical difficulties emerge; resolve these problems before they assume gigantic proportions.

Overcoming Barriers (That Diminish Emotional Bonding)

Your children are special to you; you love them dearly; express it. Parental love is best when expressed.

Communication with the children is most important in life, and this becomes extremely difficult after the divorce. Keep in regular contact with them by chatting with them online. I prefer this medium over telephonic conversations, for it enables the usage of a web camera and the interaction can be made more interpersonal.

Let them understand that they are important to you. Reveal it in small acts, like remembering to pick them up on time for their scheduled visits. By going late or by forgetting, you are communicating that they no longer matter to you. Your thoughtless gestures might inadvertently damage them for life.

Surveys that studied the contact between non-custodial parents and their children have proved that no matter what the difficulties are, majority of the women rarely give up contact with their children, while fathers are quick to submit to tribulations. Do not allow difficulties to prove insurmountable barriers. As a non-custodial parent, you are duty-bound to give your children what you had longed for all through your life – love and happiness.

About the author:
James Walsh is a freelance writer and copy editor. If you would like more information on how to get a quickie Divorce see http://www.quickie-divorce.com


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