How Divorced Parents Keep Thier Kids Engaged

                                                                                         

Realize three things when you come late, forget to come, or rarely visit your child:

Your child is waiting.
Your child is hoping.
Your child is suffering.

As a counselor, I've asked kids, "How do you feel when your parent doesn't come for his/her visit with you?" Here are three common responses:

"I don't care."
"It doesn't matter."
"I hate him (her)."

Truthfully, it does matter, your child does care, and the hate is really a defense against the pain. Your failure to visit tells your child that s/he is not important.

One dad hadn't visited his daughter since she was two. One day he came into her life demanding visitation rights. His daughter, now a bright, articulate twelve-year-old, wanted nothing to do with him. I'll never forget her cold hard words.

"Why do you want to see me now? Where were you all these years?"

I remember him whimpering and saying something about wanting a father-daughter relationship.

"I don't want a relationship with you," she said. Nobody can make me see you."

I understood that she needed to protect herself from the waiting, the hoping, and the suffering that she had already experienced. She left the session angry and determined. He left in tears.

To prevent this from happening, I suggest you do the following:

Realize you are half your child's genes.
Remember you are the adult.
Know that your love means everything to your child.
Stay involved with your child.
Keep your parenting visits and be on time.

Become the parent you were meant to be. Prevent your child from unnecessary waiting, hoping, and suffering. Love your child and stay engaged.

About the author:
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